Whilst sitting at the Baron last night with my friends, the topic of conversation inevitably turned to men and relationships. Jen was still in recovery stage from her new-found man of her dreams, having to return to Australia – where he lived. Wondering of her luck, none of us could figure out how it is that the only good guy she’s met in the past year, would be the one who lived on another continent.
I, myself, mused quietly to myself as to my similar predicament. My only “true love” – real life’s version of Carrie’s Mr. Big – had been the major share holder in the stocks of my heart for the past four years – and had also chosen to study in America. Great. The possibility of seeing him every American summer – three months right, smack, in the middle of my year – was one that, whilst not being conducive to a relationship; still manages to remind me he has my heart – and that it get’s broken when he has to go back.
The only other guy ever able to make me feel anything close to what my Mr. Big did, also doesn’t live in the same city as me. No, not even in the same province. This man, whom we’ll term Mickey Blue Eyes, lives in Durban and studies in Grahamstown – meaning that most of the year ’round, he is never more than 969km away from me.
As I got to thinking about this series of what would seem bad luck, I began to question. Were Jen and I romantically challenged, or was there more to it? As the author of the novel “The Man of Feeling” states: “For, as I well know, the most effective and lasting subjugations are based on pretence or, indeed, on something that has never existed… or on something unfulfilled.” Where was the line? Where was the “man of my dreams” quality in these men actually real – and when did it cross over to the realm of our own imaginations?
Having thought myself more than able to do a long-distance relationship with either my version of Mr. Big, or Mickey Blue Eyes, I realised one thing. When we were in the same cities as one another, we rarely managed to get a stable relationship going. Granted, Mickey Blue Eyes and I had only ever met four *magical* times, but in the case of my Mr. Big, we’d literally been on and off for four years. And if we couldn’t get it right after that amount of time, then how were we ever going to bridge the gap of oceans and continents that stood between our significantly different lifestyles?
So, whilst I believe that I could make a long-distance relationship work, I’m willing to admit that there need be a stable basis for the relationship first. As for being romantically challenged, only time will tell. I can’t find it in myself to give up hope on Mickey Blue Eyes – nor do I know how not to love Mr. Big when he returns to South Africa. I guess there is nothing more true than time will tell…